Beverage Discrimination

Mountain Dew CanI don’t drink coffee. Never have. However, I do love and need caffeine–in large and frequent doses, but carbonated and refrigerated (refrigeration optional when desperate). That’s why I’m always a tiny bit upset when I arrive at a new customer site and as part of the usual tour I find office supplies, bathrooms, printer, and all the free coffee you can drink. Some of them have a water cooler too (which I try to substitute…my physician tells me this is better than my caffeine addiction).

Why doesn’t Equal Opportunity apply? I’m discriminated against because of my beverage choice. Shouldn’t I expect equal access to all the things I need in order to perform my job? I submit that if others I work with need coffee to perform their daily tasks (I presume that’s why it’s part of everyone’s salary/benefits package–including mine), I should be afforded the same. I shouldn’t have to pay part of the coffee tax if I don’t take part in consuming the coffee.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do have to say that my current employer provides a magically perpetually stocked fridge of carbonated delights that I frequent when I’m in the office (they also provide bottomless pots of coffee). Unfortunately, I haven’t been in the office for a month, so that doesn’t help me right now!

Gotta go get something caffeinated to drink before I fall asleep…