Beverage Discrimination

Mountain Dew CanI don’t drink coffee. Never have. However, I do love and need caffeine–in large and frequent doses, but carbonated and refrigerated (refrigeration optional when desperate). That’s why I’m always a tiny bit upset when I arrive at a new customer site and as part of the usual tour I find office supplies, bathrooms, printer, and all the free coffee you can drink. Some of them have a water cooler too (which I try to substitute…my physician tells me this is better than my caffeine addiction).

Why doesn’t Equal Opportunity apply? I’m discriminated against because of my beverage choice. Shouldn’t I expect equal access to all the things I need in order to perform my job? I submit that if others I work with need coffee to perform their daily tasks (I presume that’s why it’s part of everyone’s salary/benefits package–including mine), I should be afforded the same. I shouldn’t have to pay part of the coffee tax if I don’t take part in consuming the coffee.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do have to say that my current employer provides a magically perpetually stocked fridge of carbonated delights that I frequent when I’m in the office (they also provide bottomless pots of coffee). Unfortunately, I haven’t been in the office for a month, so that doesn’t help me right now!

Gotta go get something caffeinated to drink before I fall asleep…

  • http://blogs.oracle.com/xmlpublisher Tim

    Dan, you need an ‘on the road stash’ of caffeinated drinks. You could justify it by telling your employers that while you are out of the office you are not getting your full benefits and therefore need to take it on the road either that or you need a ‘caffeine’ expense allowance.
    Tim

  • http://www.dannorris.com/ Dan

    Agreed. There’s an easy way to fix my particular problem. My point was that this isn’t *my* problem. I’m never going to accept “that’s the way it has always been” as a valid reason for anything, but I’d really like more companies to consider the gap. Yes, I am serious :).

    Thanks for stopping by!

  • http://bexhuff.com bex

    ditto… I hate coffee… but I’m quite the tea snob ;-)

    my old employer had a nice stocked fridge, until people kept stealing stuff… then they had subsidized soda: 25 cents a can.

  • http://www.dannorris.com/ Dan

    @Bex I guess that makes me a Mountain Dew snob. I have to say, that’s felt a little risk while working on my current project with Coke! :)

    I’d be all for asking the coffee drinkers for $0.25 per cup and using that to pay for half of the soda costs. Seems fair–both groups have to pay $0.25 per drink and the company just continues to cover the coffee costs. Hopefully, someone with enough influence may read this and start making history!

  • Brian Tkatch

    “(refrigeration optional when desperate).”

    Unless were talking about Coca Cola. Without refrigeration, it’s deadly. The colder, the better, unless it is frozen. The best case for Coke? That’s when it is liquid, but the fizz freezes when it rises.

  • http://www.dannorris.com/ Dan

    @Brian I’d have to agree. Coke is particularly unpleasant when it’s hot. However, I once had a roommate that kept a case of Coke behind the seat in his car in the Central Illinois summertime. He lived on the stuff–just one of his many unbelievable habits! :P

    Never tried frozen, but I doubt I’d like it. Milkshakes and ice cream are the only frozen things I usually like.

  • Brian Tkatch

    @Dan OK, then try it *just before* it is frozen. :)

  • a

    That was one thing that really stood out when I toured Israel as a teen – warm coke. Bleh!

    Conversely, as an Explorer scout we would go snow camping, and the cans of coke would freeze, interesting slushie as it defrosted while hiking.